Always On My Mind

Title: Always On My Mind
Summary: Lois has regrets regarding how her relationship with Jimmy came to an end.
Rating: General for now (possibly Adult later)
Spoilers: None

 

Maybe I didn't hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
I guess I never told you
I'm so happy that you're mine
Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
-Always On My Mind
Willie Nelson

 

1.

“Olsen’s snapping the accident site, Lois, so chop chop! News waits for no man, not even one with a body like yours.”

 

Perry White’s whiskey roughened voice moved past her as he strode for his office at top speed, leaving the smell of expensive cigars on the air behind him. The Daily Planet’s editor in chief didn’t give her a second look as he shut the door to his office, closing out the low hum of the bullpen. Of course Perry wouldn’t think anything of his orders for her to work with Jimmy, considering he had no idea of her history with him.

 

Jimmy was the first man she’d ever loved…and then deserted for another man. Usually, not always but usually, she’d been on the receiving end of getting dumped by the men she’d developed real feelings for, but Jimmy had been different. He’d tried to give her his all, but being a reporter had meant more.

 

Well, perhaps Clark Kent had had something to do with that too, but that was a story with another unhappy ending that was still unfolding. Still, if Jimmy was working on her next story, she didn’t think she’d be able to face him.

 

She went to Perry’s office and walked in, not bothering to knock. Perry glanced at her, annoyed.

 

“What have I told you about barging into my office? Knock, Lane. Knock.”

 

“I need a different photographer,” Lois said, knocking on the door after the fact.

 

“That’s not funny, and what’s wrong with Olsen?” Perry demanded.

 

“He’s the assistant director of Graphics. He’s not even supposed to be out in the field.”

 

“The Director and his assistant can go wherever the hell they want, and do their job however the hell they please. Now what’s your problem with Olsen?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Then get going!”

 

Growling in frustration, Lois turned on her heel and strolled back into the bullpen. Her ex-reporting partner, and recently ex-husband, Clark Kent was cautiously avoiding her gaze as he typed away a million miles a second at his computer.

 

“Cool it with the speed typing, Clark,” she warned him for the millionth time since she’d found out his secret. “It’s not humanly possible to type that fast.”

 

“I’m not human, am I?” he said coolly. He sent his article, and then stood, grabbing his coat.

 

Lois grabbed her own bag, and then pulled on a jacket to ward off the chill that stubbornly clung to the spring season, and started for the elevators. Lana Lang stood at near the elevators, waiting for Clark.

 

Home wrecking bitch, Lois thought. She passed Lana as though she didn’t know she was there, but she heard a quiet chuckle.

 

“Tahiti awaits,” Lana said sweetly, digging in her weekend plans with Clark. It was salt in a wound every time she saw Lana’s face.

 

“Lana,” Clark said, sounding mildly annoyed. He seemed to hate it when Lana gloated in front of Lois. That was some small measure of comfort.

 

“I’m just excited to—”

 

“Lana,” he said more forcefully.

 

Lois hurried into the elevator with a few of her co-workers, who all were aware of her recent problems with Clark, and Lana’s involvement in them. She expected Lana to come into the elevator, to continue her snide, cutting comments that always hurt deep, no matter how hard Lois tried to ignore them, but Clark had a hold on Lana’s hand.

 

“We’ll get the next one,” he said, not looking at her. Lana, however, had a smugly satisfied smirk on her face as the elevator doors closed. At least the tears didn’t sting Lois’s eyes until Lana was shut out. God she hated being weak.

 

The ride took forever, but when she was finally outside Lois took in a deep breath of the chilly air. It took just a few seconds to flag down a cab, and she climbed inside. She would have walked, but Perry was right. News waited for no one. Not even Lois Lane.

 

“Winslow and 51^st.”

 

“There was an explosion down there,” the driver warned her.

 

“I know. I’m going to investigate.”

 

The cab pulled away from the curb. Lois’s stomach burned with dread with each second that went by. Blocks passed outside her window, bringing her closer and closer to a meeting with the biggest regret of her life.

 

 

2.
The explosion the taxi driver had warned Lois about had been a big one. The rubble was strewn out into the street and emergency workers were hard at work clearing it up. The taxi still had to stop two blocks away. Lois paid her fare and got out to walk the rest of the way, seeing that a couple of reporters from some smaller papers had beat her there. On the other side of the blockade, a few blocks down, frustrated tv news crews were stalled in traffic.

 

Jimmy Olsen stood at the barrier created by yellow police tape. He was chatting with a police officer who never held still. His eyes darted about, looking for any reporters or other bystanders who might attempt to sneak past him. 

 

“So, Superman’s already confirmed no one was killed in the blast?” said Jimmy.

 

Lois had successfully managed to avoid seeing or speaking to Jimmy directly for three years, when Jimmy was promoted to a more administrative job and didn’t have to work in the field.

 

The officer nodded to Jimmy. “Yeah. The building was empty.”

 

“And why do you think that is?” Lois asked. Her voice was steady. Good.

 

Jimmy looked down at her and gave her a small, half smile. It was a much warmer greeting than she’d expected, considering how they’d parted.

 

Considering how I’d dumped him for another man the night he proposed to me, Lois thought.

 

“What do you mean?” the cop asked.

 

On closer examination, Lois realized he wasn’t observant so much as wired. It was possible he was just a caffeine addict, but Lois doubted caffeine was the drug that was driving him now. He had something much stronger in his veins, and that alone was a possible story. She could see the headline now.

 

DRUG ADDICTED POLICE OFFICERS. A DANGER ON THE JOB?

 

“It’s the middle of the work day. Hump day, actually, so why was the building empty on a Wednesday afternoon?”

 

“The fire alarm had been tripped,” Jimmy said.

 

“How do you know that?” asked the officer.

 

“I was passing by when the employees emptied the building. I asked what was going on. Turns out the shift manager had received a bomb threat and a warning to have everyone clear the area. He decided to take the call seriously, played it safe, and brought everyone around the corner.”

 

“Did you report this to anyone?”

 

“Yeah, a detective took my statement.”

 

The building in question was around the corner, and was near the waterfront. It stood alone, with a large lot that surrounded it, which spared other buildings from any major damage.

 

Lois interviewed a few witnesses, as well as the manager who’d taken the call from the bomber, and decided she had enough to cover the story. She put away her recorder and started down the street, just as a slew of new reporters started rushing in. Some gave Lois and Jimmy hateful glares. Passing Lois and Clark had as they’d gotten the scoop ahead of everyone else was the norm in Metropolis.

 

They walked along in silence for quite awhile before Jimmy spoke.

 

“So, do you need to interview me?” asked Jimmy.

 

“I can if you’d like. Do you have anything to add to what you told that coke-addicted cop?”

 

“You picked up on that too, huh?”

 

She nodded.

 

“I’ve got a few details that could spice up your article.”

 

“You can stop by my desk.”

 

“Actually I can’t. I’ve got a lot of raw photography to go through from the parade yesterday. If I work nonstop I can make a dent in it by six.”

 

“Well then, how about drinks after work?”

 

Jimmy considered her for a moment, and in that moment of hesitation Lois kicked herself. Why would Jimmy want to pretend to pal it up with her after what happened between them?

 

“But I understand if you don’t want—”

 

“Meet you out front by six thirty,” he said. He started for the door of the Daily Planet, and Lois hadn’t even been aware they’d arrived. She appreciated Jimmy’s kindness. He could so easily choose to be cold and distant, or gloat over how her marriage to Clark had ended at the hands of a newly Kryptonite-free Lana Lang, but he hadn’t.

 

Once inside, though, Jimmy walked away from her without looking back. She wondered if he was sending her a deliberate message, or if that was the attitude he took towards all things from his past.

 

3.
Lois checked her makeup one more time in the mirror of her sun visor. It was flawless, just as it had been on the last four times she’d looked. She made sure her breath was fresh, and then heaved a sigh. She was being ridiculous. This wasn’t a date. It was simply a few drinks to discuss business.

 

Jimmy waited outside the Ace of Clubs, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Lois usually took crossed arms to be a sign to say stay away, but Jimmy somehow managed to look approachable and even a little…cool, which amused Lois because cool just wasn’t a word she often associated with Jimmy Olsen. Nerdy, shy, sweet, and loyal were usually adjectives best suited to him. Perhaps the fact that he’d ditched the bow ties and bowling shirts in favor of dark gray suits had something to do with that. 

 

Stop paying so much attention to him, Lois thought, as the old feelings for Jimmy that she’d never really managed to outgrow came rushing back. She didn’t want to feel excited to see him. She didn’t want to remember how big his hands were—

 

Okay, really, Lane. Stop.

 

“Chloe sends her regards,” Jimmy said.

 

“She’s here?”

 

“She was. Just left with Oliver and Dinah, and that new guy she’s dating. What’s his name?”

 

“Steve Trevor, I think. He’s some agent with the IADC.”

 

Jimmy looked a little sour when he said, “The guy thinks he’s hot stuff.”

 

“Hate to break it to you Jimmy, but the guy is right.”

 

Jimmy rolled his eyes playfully. Lois had forgotten how cute he could be.

 

Inside, the Ace of Clubs was jammed with people, most of them dancing to insanely loud dance music that had a steady, pulsing beat. It didn’t take them long to decide that tonight wasn’t a very good night to try to talk at the Ace, so they decided to step back out into the chilly night air and turned toward Griffiths Wine Cellar. Jimmy sprang for a couple of bottles of Dom Perignon.

 

“Photography must pay well,” Lois said, duly impressed.

 

“I never got around to spending the bonus package when I was promoted to assistant director of graphics. Not to mention Ollie’s helped me learn a thing or two about investing. I’m saving up a nice nest egg.”

 

“Why not? Spend your bonus, I mean.”

 

Jimmy shrugged. “I have everything I want, and didn’t have anyone to spend it on, I guess.”

 

Lois’s stomach clenched a little. Jimmy’s comment hadn’t been pointed to lay blame on her, but she still felt guilty. She walked along beside him in awkward silence, until he came to a stop at Redford Towers.

 

“I moved in about six months ago. Want to come up for the interview?”

 

“Uh…yeah. Sure.”

 

She dreaded the walk into the building. The wait for the elevator almost undid her resolve to go up to his place. So far their past had remained in the past, but at some point they were going to end up talking about it. She wanted to run away from him, but couldn’t. She’d done that before. It hadn’t been right then, and it wouldn’t be right now.

 

“You look like you’re ready to fly out of your skin,” Jimmy observed. “You don’t have to come up.”

 

“No, I want to, really. I can’t pass up a juicy scoop.”

 

Jimmy’s apartment wasn’t anything like she expected. It was spacious, which was hard to find in Metropolis on a photojournalists salary, even if he had been promoted recently. The living room was basically one big wall of windows that looked out over the city. The Daily Planet globe towered over them nearby, it’s golden light would spill into the living room when the lights were out.

 

Lois became very conscious of the bedroom off to her right. Two massive double doors opened onto it, and thought it was dark, the light of the city, the golden light of the Daily Planet globe, washed the room in weak light and illuminated the neatly made bed.

 

Photo’s that Jimmy had taken, some of which had won him awards, decorated the walls. None of them, she noted, were of Superman, though one featured her standing atop a pile of rubble, reaching for the tattered remains of Superman’s cape as it fluttered in the wind, having been caught on a piece of rebar jutting toward the sky just after his fight with Doomsday almost two years previously. Her face was eloquent with heartbreak.

 

She’d been devastated in that moment, and now she wondered how on earth everything had gone so wrong between her and Clark. They’d been in love for such a short time, and she’d believed they would be forever.

 

“I won a Pulitzer for that photograph.”

 

“I remember,” said Lois. “It’s fine work, Jimmy.”

 

“I always felt I was cashing in on your pain after I accepted the award.”

 

Lois looked at him. Jimmy had always been such a loyal person. Even after she’d broken his heart, he’d cared about her more than she’d realized. “You shouldn’t have. You deserved the award, Jimmy. This is excellent work.”

 

He’d put the champagne on to chill, and motioned for her to sit on the sofa. He got down to business. “I didn’t tell the police but I took video of the actual explosion. I’ll share it with them, but not until I get the photo’s I need from it for your article.”

 

“Jimmy, before we go on, I’d like to talk about the elephant in the room. Possibly even get rid of it.”

 

He leaned against the back of the sofa. “Okay.”

 

“I dumped you for Clark the night you proposed to me. I hurt you.”

 

Jimmy nodded. “I got over it, eventually.”

 

“You did?”

 

For some reason that hurt Lois a lot more than it should have. She should have been relieved that he’d been able to move on, but instead it bothered her. She’d held onto it, lived with it at the back of her heart and mind for over five years, and now he tells her he’d gotten over it?

 

“Is that why you’re being so nice to me now? Because you’re over me and you feel sorry for me?”

 

“I know what you’re going through, Lois. You were dumped by someone you love so they could be with someone they love more than you. I’ve been there, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. A few years ago, I would have bought champagne to celebrate what you’re feeling right now, but like I said. I got over it.”

 

“How do you get over this kind of pain?”

 

He was thoughtful as he regarded the Daily Planet globe. “I guess you never completely get over it, but you get past it to the point where you can live without it hurting all the time. You can see the person without feeling bitter and angry—if you can forgive them. Forgive Clark, someday. Do it for yourself, not for him. Trust me, you’ll be a much happier person.”

 

“I’m sorry, Jimmy.”

 

“That’s all in the past, Lois.”

 

She shook her head. “Not for me. When we were together I spent all my time looking at who I didn’t have, rather than who I did have. I could have loved you better. I could have appreciated you more.”

 

She didn’t expect to feel tears well up in her eyes. She certainly didn’t expect to see them in Jimmy’s eyes too. He came across the couch and held her.

 

“I never got over you, Jimmy. I never stopped caring about you, or loving you, deep down inside.”

 

She held back as long as she could, but there were a lot of cracks in the dam that held her emotions in check. The oldest cracks were regrets about Jimmy, but there were so many others that were all about Clark. Would she ever forgive Clark for hurting her, as Jimmy had been able to forgive her? She doubted it. Her personality leaned toward holding grudges rather than letting them go, but she hoped she could. Forgiveness came with wonderful benefits, like peace of mind and ease of spirit, which she longed to have again.

 

When her tears subsided, Jimmy wiped her face and gave her a tissue to blow her nose. They sat in comfortable, familiar silence and drank their champagne. Then the talking began. Jimmy caught her up on the details of his life that she had missed out on, and the night began to grow old.

 

4.
Lois was too tipsy to drive home, and Jimmy was too tipsy to even see her to a cab, so they curled up on the couch to sleep it off. They woke up with hangovers the next day, but it was worth it to Lois for them to be on good terms again.

 

They met for lunch every day for the next week. Clark was on vacation so she didn’t have to deal with him, or worry about running into Lana Lang, who never tired of mentioning just how much more she’d always meant to Clark over any other woman, even Lois. 

 

For all her pious talk about how much she wanted to save the world, Lana was (as she’d always been), a phony, caustic, backstabbing bitch. At least that’s how Lois viewed her. Lois couldn’t, for the life of her, understand what the world’s greatest superhero saw in Lana.

 

But she had Jimmy now, as a friend if nothing more, and that was doing wonders for her state of mind. The cloud of hopeless sadness that had hung over her since her divorce from Clark now had a break. Jimmy was a ray of hope in her life.

 

Friday night, and barring a chance to sit down and chat with the president, Chloe wasn’t going to touch a computer, or a recorder, notepad, or pencil. She moved to swing her coat on, when she saw Jimmy approach.

 

“There’s a stand off at the bank down the street. We won’t be able to get out any time soon.”

 

“Superman handling it?”

 

“The Raven.”

 

Lois rolled her eyes at Lana’s ridiculous ‘hero’ name. “Grand.”

 

Jimmy was staring at her in a way she wasn’t quite able to read. It was intense and direct. “Drinks?” she said. “The Ace—”

 

Jimmy suddenly moved in on her, his lips smothering hers. He pushed her toward the supply closet, the door of which was open, and he kicked it shut behind him. She pulled back, a little breathlessly and heard the lock slide home behind Jimmy.

 

“Jimmy—”

 

“I’ve been thinking about you all day,” he said. Jimmy’s hands eagerly pushed Lois’s coat off before cupping her ass and pulling her against him. He kissed her again, hungrily, and then pulled back. His lips still pressed to Lois’s he said, “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed us.”

 

“I’ve missed you too.”

 

Lois wasn’t going to bother lying to herself. She’d wanted to be with Jimmy the first night in his apartment, but she hadn’t been completely sure that was just loneliness from her breakup with Clark or a genuine desire to be with Jimmy again. Now she was sure. She wanted Jimmy for the man he was, not to substitute for Clark.

 

She hadn’t appreciated Jimmy before, for the wonderful man he really was. Now she did.

 

Jimmy’s hands explored Lois’s body eagerly, and unbuttoned her blouse with familiar ease. Her bra had a single clasp in the front which he undid. Her breasts, almost seemed to spring free in eagerness for his touch. He took one hardened nipple into his mouth, eliciting a moan of pleasure from Lois. His hands worked to push down her panties and hike up her skirt as he teased her other nipple.

 

Hoisting her up onto a sturdy shelf, Jimmy parted Lois’s thighs as he sank to his knees before her. His tongue sank into her soft, wet folds, and teased the hard nub of her clit. Lois moaned loudly, part of her hoping no one outside would hear, part of her not giving a damn if they did. She felt the muscles of her core tensing, bringing her to the edge of release….

 

And then he stopped, pulling away from her.

 

“Is this a one-time thing?” he asked.

 

Her shaking fingers fumbled with his zipper. She pulled down his pants, freeing his cock which was iron hard and twitching eagerly with need. In the darkness Jimmy looked so young, and vulnerable. All of the confidence he’d gained since their breakup gone in a moment of heartbreaking vulnerability.

 

“No.”

 

Lois guided Jimmy to her entrance and he began to enter her slowly. Too slowly for her liking. It had been too long since she’d made love, and she had a lot of tension to release. Wrapping her legs around Jimmy’s waist, Lois thrust her hips forward, kissed him, and then whispered, “Fuck me, Jimmy.”

 

Jimmy was only too happy to oblige.

 

***

Getting out of the closet without being seen was tricky work, at which they failed. They came out to see Perry strolling past, fixing his coat. He cast them a suspicious look.

 

“You two had better have been working on a story in there,” he said, but Lois thought there was a slight twinkle in his eye as he said it. Very slight.

 

“Absolutely, Chief,” Jimmy said smoothly.

 

Perry nodded. “Good. By the way, Olsen, love that shade of lipstick. It compliments your eyes.”

 

Jimmy hastily wiped his lips as the elevator doors shut on Perry wizened face. Jimmy looked at Lois and they broke into laughter. God, it felt so good to laugh.

 

“So, how about dinner?” Jimmy asked, hitting the button for the next elevator.

 

“I’ll cook,” Lois offered.

 

Jimmy gave her a genuinely wounded look. “I thought you said we were friends again!”

 

“What? We are?”

 

“Then why on earth would you try to make me eat your cooking?”

 

She slapped him playfully on the arm and followed him inside. When she turned to face the bullpen, she saw Clark had returned and was watching them closely. He’d probably heard her and Jimmy in the supply closet. She just hoped he hadn’t looked. Clark gave her an almost imperceptible nod, which she returned. Taking Jimmy’s hand in hers, Lois watched Clark turn away as the elevator doors closed tightly shut.

-End